Dan, the Egalitarian.

Nigel and another engineer were attempting to move some equipment and they were discussing the logistics between the two of them.  Dan observes their discourse and comments.

Dan:  Well hell, you two sound like a married couple, talking about dividing up the work and who should do what… ha ha!  Which one of you’s the wife?

Engineer 2: …

Nigel:  You’re telling me that you do half the work at home, Dan?

Dan:  *thinks a moment*  Yeah, I do half.

Nigel:  Really.

Dan:  Yep!  She cooks, I eat.  She cleans, I dirty.  See?  Half. Ha ha!

Engineer 2:  *snorts*

Nigel:  Gods I feel for your wife, Dan.  I really do.  You’re a sick fuck.  You know that?

Dan:  Ha ha.  She don’t mind!  I make the money, she spends it, so she ain’t got nothin to complain about.

Nigel:  No… nothing at all.  What’s not to like about being a poorly paid servant?

Dan:   *looks momentarily confused, ashamed, and then suddenly lights up as he seizes on an idea* … Your wife cooks for you.

Nigel:  She enjoys cooking.  It’s not her job.  I’m lucky, not entitled. (This part is correct.  I was raised by a chef father, and I consider it a pleasurable art.  Sometimes Nigel gets crap from his co-workers because his lunch has things like white truffle quiche with gruyere and pancetta…)

Dan:  … Oh.  *wanders away looking confused*

Cat food cock?

Nigel has explained to me that Dan has a special form of gesticulation that is intended to get your attention across a distance.  He makes strange shapes with his hands, points at his crotch, and then gives a thumbs up and a wink.  He finally explained this to Nigel.

“I’m hung like a tuna fish can.”

… Huh.

The Broken Wifebot…

Dan: My wife is sick.

Nigel: I’m sorry to hear that.

Dan: Yeah, thanks man. She’s up puking all night and with all her coughing I can’t get any sleep. I’ve only gotten like 5 hours for the past three days. It’s kicking my ass.

Nigel: How is she doing?

Dan: *shrugs* Sick. She better get better soon. I can’t take much more of this. She won’t even use the other bathroom.

Nigel: *rolls eyes* How dare she.

Dan: … Yeah. Well, I mean, it’s okay I guess. It’s just that I’m sick of listening to it.

—–

The poor dear. Why can’t his wife think of him before she retches compulsively and walk across the house to do it so as not to disturb him. It’s so inconvenient when your wife-object malfunctions.

The Deck…

Dan announced that he is building a deck for his wife. He was rather proud of how much work he’d put into it in between the time when he gets home and when his wife comes home from her job, and he was happily going into great detail about this project with Nigel for days. But then his heroic efforts were interrupted by the arrival of a pair of women who moved in next door. They saw him working outside and came over to introduce themselves.

Dan: They’re so fucking hot. Can you believe it? I got two hot lesbians right next door!

Nigel: How do you know that they’re lesbians?

Dan: *looks at Nigel with a lecherous grin* Because… because, dude… the tall one introduced the other one as her girlfriend.

Nigel: Uh huh. *sighs* So, naturally, lesbians.

Dan: Ha ha.. Totally. But fuck, I only have an hour before the old lady comes home, and I have all that work on the deck to do.

Nigel: So?

Dan: I don’t have time to go over there and talk to them.

Nigel: You could go over with your wife.

Dan: No man… I mean I wanna go over there to flirt with them. They were being real friendly so they might go for it.

——–

So now Dan’s project for his wife has turned into a terrible obstacle that bars his golden opportunity to convert these two assumed lesbians to the Path of Cock. How tragic for him.

How easily they invite his sexual aggression merely because they happen to be female and in a geographically convenient location relative to his cock.  I suppose it completely escapes his porn-fevered mind that these women might in fact be two human beings who just happened to want to meet their neighbor.  Perhaps they aren’t living fuckdolls who are gagging for his manly rutting.  Nah…  Women exist to be fucked by any man who wants them. He’ll soon have them doubled up on his manpole, I’m sure.

Remember this next time you go for a friendly chat with your guy neighbor. He could be Dan.