It burns…

Nigel and Daniel (a different person from Dan; see Characters & Setting) were working on a project together, with Dan tinkering in the background.  Nigel and I only have one working vehicle right now and I keep it after dropping him at work, so Daniel invites Nigel to come with him to forage for lunch.  Daniel informs Dan that he can take his lunch break now, but doesn’t expressly invite him to come along.  This doesn’t stop him, however, and as Nigel and Daniel are heading out to Daniel’s truck, Dan comes bounding out volunteering to take the back seat since Nigel’s legs are so long.  So, they were stuck with him.

Dan is chattering in the truck about this and that with the other two men riding along in pained silence.  When they arrive at the restaurant, Daniel goes inside to get the food, leaving Nigel alone with Dan, who brings up the subject of his wife.  Again.

Dan: *sighs*  That fucking bitch is spending all of my money.  The other day she tells me that she needs some underwear, and asks me if she can use my stash to buy ‘em, right?  I tell her sure, and she goes and takes it.  There’s like $100 in the drawer.

Nigel:  Uh huh…

Dan:  I figure my underwear cost like… what?… a buck a piece, right?  So she’ll spend maybe $20.  She’s gone for a few hours and comes back with this little bag.  I ask her, ‘Did you get your underwear?’  She says ‘Yes.’  I say, ‘You got the change?’  and she says, ‘No.’  So I say, ‘What do you mean?  You didn’t spend all $100 did you?’ And she say, ‘I did.’  So, I’m like, ‘How many underwear did you fuckin’ buy?!’ And she says, ‘Eight pairs.’  EIGHT PAIRS!

Nigel:  Women’s underwear are expensive.  It costs a lot to look pretty for men, you know.

Dan:  Fuck that.  I told her that those underwear are gonna have to last her the rest of her goddamned life.  If I spent $100, that’d be all the underwear I’d ever need, so that bitch is NEVER going to buy another single pair.  Ever!

Daniel:  *opens the truck door*  They aren’t doing to-go.  We have to go eat inside.

Nigel:  Cool. *looks at Dan*  I don’t even know what to say to that, man.  You’re an asshole.

Dan:  *laughs*  Yeah, well, seriously though… $100?!

—

There are so many things wrong with this mentality, and I’ve heard it before from other guys who complain about how much frou-frou girl-frillies cost, totally ignoring the fact that, as Nigel pointed out, women’s underthings are more expensive, precisely because the woman is trying to design herself a visual sex object for a man.  In a very real way, Dan’s wife was buying the underwear for Dan, not for herself.  Thongs are not comfortable, lace is scratchy and there’s no such thing as a pair of cute panties that work well when you’re on your period.  If she wasn’t thinking of his cock, she would have just bought cheap Hanes, like he does because he doesn’t care what she thinks when he peels off his rank pants.

Then, of course, there’s the whole declaration that she can’t buy more underwear, ever.  Since he’s infantilizing her, it’s worth pointing out that if I did that to my child, I could be arrested for neglect.  But it’s fine to neglect the wife you’ve transformed into a child-object without rights and then abuse her, because… well, she’s a woman.  Who cares, really?

Even if he isn’t really going to get away with restricting her undy-purchases in the future, do keep in mind ladies that this line of bullshit talk is incredibly common when the subject of your patriarchy-serving self-pornographication comes up.  Just buy Hanes.